Love And Other Four Letter Words

Life always never seem to go through the course we chart for it and that's our cross as humans but when it comes to love, it seems most times to go in the opposite direction... derailing from a set course is too mundane for love, it sets and follows it's own path. When I was young (I stopped being young a long time ago),i didn't have a crush, not that I didn't want one, of course I wanted a crush,it was the rave back then (everyone had one or two) but I just couldn't summon enough interest to be silly over another silly human, to bat my eyelids when they pass or swoon and sigh clutching my heart in mock pain(i esp hated the swooning and sighing) and then stand in dark corners after school, giggling and stealing kisses (my oddity is not a today thing lol). So for a long time I felt there was something wrong with me and because I didn't have any boy gist,it affected my friendship with the girls, so you know what I did? I became friends with the boys instead of crushing on them and during lunch break, while the girls would wink at and gist about the boys in clusters,I sat at the back with them and made them buy me lunch (this obviously didn't endear me to the girls but I frankly didn't care). What this taught me? Well it gave me absolutely no tolerance to crap from both sex,it made me immune to heartbreaks(if you go through your teens without a heartbreak or crush,you're made for life) and most importantly, it makes me appreciate other sensible females.(and sensible females, who actually use their brains for thinking are rarer than unicorns). If you are in love with someone and it goes like a scripted hollywood movie,then either you or the other person is faking it,and in this case it's probably the other person(run for ya life!), if it's full of strife and commotion, you can't get a breather,then, you are in war not love(you cannot come and go and kill yourself away just like that) Maybe, whenever you see your love interest, your heart "quickeneth", you're short of breath and you can only grin and nod your head, you're not in-love but in-fool (stop going upandan grinning like a Cheshire cat) or whenever you see them all you can see is their clothes on the floor,well,

we all know that's Almighty lust. But you see love? Love is not a feeling. Feelings are emotions and emotions are unpredictable, here today, gone tomorrow. In love and other four lettered words, love is the only thing that's solely a decision. So yes! You have to be thing straight, devoid of emotions to make this decision, understand that emotions and feelings will only cloud your judgement. Because feelings last but a minute but decisions will affect you for a lifetime.

Depression and Other Illness Nigerians Are Not Meant To Have

I remember seeing the series Glee in my university days,one of the characters has chronic OCD and I recall laughing with my friends about it because in Nigeria you can't be diagnosed for liking clean places,heck,you're more likely to be praised(you're even a better wife material)...guys will be like,"oh she likes to clean? I better marry her quick then". Have you not wondered how Nigerians in the diaspora are allowed to suffer from these type of illness but not Nigerians in Nigeria? Like there are things you don't have the luxury to be ill of,but the question is apart from our sense of humour(which is frankly disturbing)what exactly do we have going for us? You know a cleptomaniac in Nigeria is a thief,there is no such disease. So what exactly do we have going then??? Is it the witch hunting government,poor educational system,systematic and annual outbreak of epidemic,bad health care(good ones are very expensive),our national reaction to things,the mismanagement of our beautiful natural resources,the blatant disregard for the people by the government? Why exactly will someone say," you're a Nigerian,get over your depression you have no reason to it". It's because we've grown accustomed to suffering, we've accepted it as our birthright so we must therefore not complain. We work jobs where they pay us 50k and 40k of it goes into transportation but hey!at the least I have a job right! We've accepted mediocrity, so we don't expect so much from ourselves. We don't even aim for good things. In the case of diseases Nigerians can't suffer from,a man commits suicide and instead of asking for the cause,people wonder how he could even think of it and actually goes ahead with it meanwhile another man does the same thing while we are castigating the first. We are not allowed to be depressed,maniacal,suicidal or have OCD but wait, Ebola is totally acceptable, so is Lassa fever,bird flu,meningitis and many more, because these are more fitting and worthy?(I am seriously confused here) Why do the African believe the only way out is the hard way out? Why are girls advised not to report rape to save their reputation which is already destroyed anyway? Why does the African have a crab mentality? Wasn't it funny how the indigenous whites of south Africa raped their land,subjugated them,killed and generally subdued them but they attack fellow Africans for their misery? The question is, in the case of Nigerians and those sicknesses they are not allowed to suffer from,who's winning??

MATURITY: Its Age, Misuse, Respect And Contemporaries

MATURITY: All my life(till date I might add), I've had a morbid fear and hatred of drugs, most people don't understand it. when I was quite little I would throw up and cause all manner of brouhaha(nice word huh? Hehehe thank you don't mention)and when I became a little older, I devised a method,i would make a face even though I didn't swallow the drugs(maturity?), but my dad found out and will make me open my hand,then search my mouth(smart man). So I devised another means(which lasted till I went to the university),i would throw the tantrum,in the midst of it I will throw the drugs under my bed,then put my empty hand into my mouth while throwing my head back,make the face and ask for Fanta to wash out the taste of the drug I didn't swallow(i was smart even then)and when my dad searches my hand and mouth there's nothing, at a point he stopped searching(when I left for school, there was enough drugs under my bed for a pharmacy lol). Then,i got to the university (whoop!!whooop!!!)where I didn't take any drugs and there was nobody to make me,i wouldn't go to a hospital when sick unless I got so sick my friends had to take me and when I got out, I didn't bother with the drugs(my family will call on the phone to no avail),i would even quarrel with friends when they insist I take it(maturity??). Then, after university, nobody even bothered me about drugs again, they just expect me to know better and if I don't want the drugs, then it's to my own detriment not theirs so they let me be. But you know something? I had gone to the hospital sometime ago and my Incredibly Hot Man (IHM) had to pay a boatload of money(our money)for a little service(good medicare is expensive in lagos)and. they had prescribed some drugs for me which we eventually got from their pharmacy. My IHM had said to me(knowing of my fight with drugs lol),"you really need to take this drugs",that was all and Voila!!! Today with no prompting, no promises, no threats, no arm twisting, I went to the cabinet, took out the drug,and after crying silently in repulsion,took the drug(maturity!!!). IT'S AGE: It's a myth that age and maturity are related, one has absolutely nothing to do with the other(no two things could be more unrelated).Maturity is your intellect, how far you're willing to think outside the box,how advanced your knowledge of people,life and the world is. Maturity is your willingness to see the future

and see your self in it and Age has nothing to do with these. Someone can be mature for their age, but still not mature enough. Most importantly, maturity has absolutely and totally nothing to do with achievement, matter of fact, most times,achievement hinders or aids the maturing process(it actually hinders more than it aids). Someone once said to me, I prefer older women because they are more mature but how old a person is, usually doesn't say much about how mature they are Maturity is enlightenment not age. MISUSE: People like to use maturity as a shield, ornament and most times a weapon. They are fund of saying things like," I am mature,so am going to let this slide" or "if not for maturity, I would've taught you a lesson"(gaan take several seats my friend!). If you're indeed mature,then people around you will know without you having to state it so often. Being mature is knowing the battles are not important but the war is(most people can't even tell the difference between a battle and a war). IT'S RESPECT: 2 be continued.......

Making The Choice

Everybody knows the scandalous tale of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith and how it ruined Brad Pitt's marriage to Jennifer Aniston?(you do?? Good!lets move on).what we all probably don't know is that Aniston didn't want kids(she still doesn't,something about her figure ) while good ol' Brad was a sucker for the little people and that was the crux of his infidelity(he's faithful to Jolie who's on a child rearing mission). Marriage is about making these kinda choices, and then when the kids starts coming my dear just fogerit. It might be little things like your favorite hangout spots, the clothes you like,where you live(I had sworn to myself I will not marry someone who lives in Lagos but here we are)or big things like a juicy job or a career or your sense of humour (that's a no no) but basically you lose somethings without even knowing it. So,why not marry like minds,that way, whatever you lose will be little compared to marrying someone worlds apart. If you don't want kids,marrying someone who does and hoping they'll change their mind is just a recipe for disaster, if you're a party bird look for someone like you... if you're a neat freak, look for your kind and yes!!! it's as simple as that. Get the basics right first before talking about their political orientation or what they think about American football in comparison to soccer. Will you make sacrifices? Yep (a lot actually)but the right kind. The type that makes you proud of what you got in exchange. Love is good and all but if love doesn't make smile, if love doesn't educate you,if love doesn't make you better, if love make you tingle in all kind of strange places(wink),if love is not reassuring, if love is not your sane then brother,sister do you know you're lost oh? Because at end of the day,your sacrifices will be ashes on your lips. So yes, make a choice but make sure you make THE CHOICE

that pays you well, forget what they say,marriage is first about you before anything else.

Calling A Spade What It Is

So, the other day,in the midst of a conversation with someone I will call "the bleacher" for the purposes of this blog. We were having a random talk as girls are wont to do and without warning it got to be about Maheeda(the gospel singer turned soft porn artist/nudist),i had stated my displeasure with her lifestyle esp since she has a teenage daughter and all, and my friend, the bleacher had said, " I like Maheeda, she's a role model,she does whatever she likes and moreover,don't judge her". This is exactly what brought America to where it is today, first it started with don't call fat people fat,it's body shaming, so the fat people became obesed and died from heart attack at the age of 30 but hey!! We didn't body shame them now did we? Then blacks became African Americans but even with the new name racist continued unchecked and the new one is don't call someone a slut or thot it's their choice.(oh hell no) And guess what, that trend is now in Nigeria, I don't know when it got here but I woke up one morning and there it was;girls will twerk and go naked on instagram for likes and followers but if you see anything wrong with it then you're a hater, sugar daddies paying the house rent, trips abroad on business class tickets,houses and cars they can't afford, if you say nne but this is wrong,then you're an enemy of progress or just jealous. And we are gently buying into this idea, of calling a spade a soup spoon but hey just shut up, you don't want to judge now do you(remember what master J told us now). We should know that if it bleats like a goat,eat grass,has little horns and live in shed then, it is a goat(it can't be a chicken). Did you hear the story? Of the girl who posed in front of her father's mansion, took a picture, uploaded on instagram, then the real owner of the house saw the picture and exposed her???(and people said beti why did she do that),because we live in country now when appearances and social media is all that matters. So before they catch your friend out on instagram, tell them that's a spade! Calling it a spoon won't change what it is...... Tell a friend, to tell a friend,to tell their mutual friend Missundahstood said so....

The Fisherman's Donkey Theory

A long time ago (well not that long ago),a grumpy wise old monkey had befriended a crocodile. The monkey live on top of a cluster of banana trees not far away from the mouth of the swamp,so the crocodile will sit on the foot of the trees while conversing with the monkey who's on the top. One day, the crocodile said the to the monkey (who was plump and well fed though old), "I have told my family a lot about you and they will really like to meet you esp my mother". The monkey thought about this for a while and decided no harm could possibly come out of it,so the picked a date for the visit. On the day picked, the Croc came very early in the morning and picked the monkey(on his back) and they set out, when they got close he saw a gathering of crocodiles, quite a number,and before he could even disembark, a large Croc gripped him from behind and made to swallow him, before he knew what was happening another grabbed his legs, while he heard his friend saying,"take it easy everyone, there's enough to go round". He turned and twisted, until luckily, he felt his legs free and then kicking savagely at a Croc, he jumped to a nearby tree and went home. A few weeks later, when he had regained some strength and could feel his legs again, guess who showed up? Yes!you're right!! The Croc. "My friend, he said, am sorry for the way things turned out the other day, my family is a boisterous one, they were just too happy to see you, but don't worry have talked some sense into them and they are sorry" "Oh that's good ", said the monkey "Glad we've sorted that out, so if you'll just jump unto my back again,we can go back because they want to apologise to you in person", the Croc said "Hahahah, laughed the old and wise monkey, "I will tell you a beautiful story about the fisherman's donkey".... .... so,this is the story the wise old monkey told the wily crocodile..... A fisherman had a donkey who was sickly and quite useless to him so he decided to sell him to the man for man who makes dog food for quite a good sum. The donkey scared she will be killed then ran away on the way to the market. There was a wild forest near the village and this was where the donkey ran into. After a few weeks of eating fresh grass, roaming free and drinking good spring water, the donkey became well, robust and blossomed into quite a beauty. One day, she heard a groan emanating from a den, a tired and painful groan, and decided to know what it is. She went to the mouth of the den, and discovered an old weak lying inside.... "Hello beautiful, can you come close let me admire your bea

uty", the lion said, "In all my years in this forest I have never seen any animal as beautiful as you are, if I had, I would have married her" The donkey quite flattered by the praise took a nimble step deeper into the cave. "Oh my!! Exclaimed the lion, "You are a sight for sore eyes,I think have fallen in love with you" By now,the donkey was quite close to the lion,who suddenly extended his claws and sprang at her, but the donkey being young and well fed while the lion was sick and weak was able to escape with some bruises. A few days later, she returned to the mouth of the cave to see if the lion was still alive. "Did the love of my life return to see me again" started the lion. But the donkey would have none of that, "You tried to eat me the other day, so don't call me your love" "Well, began the lion with a sly look in his eyes, "You know am a violent creature,and that's also the way I show my love,I love you truthfully, you just have to teach me how to be gentle with you". "Well, said the donkey, stepping very close to the lion with love and tenderness but alas she never finished her sentence as the lion sprang on her and tore her throat with one huge bite. ....this is the end of the story" said the monkey "So you see, my dear Croc, it's best one finds love and friendship within like mannered people and if perchance you happen to escape from something that almost killed you whether in jest or earnestly, you must desist from such a thing, that is the Fisherman's donkey's theory"

Dating And Related Shenanigans

While single I had studiously avoided dating, I had desperately hated the idea of dating; it was quite unprecedented for a single person (who hated the idea of being single I might add) to detest the one thing that can change her status but there I was, I couldn't help myself. The dating scene was a vulgarity I couldn't stand. There was and still is, little or no spontaneity in it, nothing original.
People don't actually want to date (that's the sad,plain and painful truth). Everybody wants the perks that comes with dating without actually putting in work, so the end result is a half hearted attempt that will leave one or both parties feeling bereft and used at the end of it all.
Thinking back right now (in the comfort of my marital home, yes I finally went on a date phew!!). I think the worst part of a failed date is the conversations (yeesh!!!). One of my dates had turned the whole conversation into a sermon (I love me some Jesus but please!!!), while yet another date spent the entire outing describing in gory detail how he cut a woman open the day before to save her life and I was eating oh (I also decided there and then I can't have anything intimate with a doctor). So basically, my whole dating experience was hell and still is for most people if the stories I hear are anything to go by.
Now,(drum roll) this is a few guidelines for those who want to date and date right.......
*1*... if you're still trying to figure out your life, trying to understand yourself, if you're broke (esp for guys), if you still live with your parents (esp for guys), if you don't know what you want to do in life then dating is not for you. fact is if you don't have stability or a semblance of stability, dating will just mess things up for you. This is a communion between 2 people (casual flings, bed mate things, getting the groove on not included here), but you can't advice someone about his/her life when you're yet to figure yours out.
*2*... Be Precise: know what you want and get it. Understand what you need in the other person and make sure s/he has at list 60% of it.
When you call up to fix a date, don't say, " let's hang tonight na" (hang where? On a tree??) or "let's chill somewhere nice " (like a fridge???). Have a precise and nicely worded invite," hi, how are you? Would you like to go for dinner with me tommorrow by 8?. (see! English is not so hard)
*3*... Be Decisive: Now, make a sentence that best describes your intention towards the other person, highlighting their strong straits and how well suited to you they are; don't say, "don't say I like your smile and you open teeth, please be my girlfriend" (what are you? 12 or 15?), instead say, " I like your honesty and your amiable nature, your love for God and your beautiful smile, I feel you can be make me better and we will be beautiful together " (shikena).
Likewise, when you invite them to a date, do your scouting before hand and a choose a place that best

describes the ambience you want to create. Don't call and ask them to choose a place, it shows a lack of seriousness unless maybe you're married or engaged to the person.
*4*... Always Give Ample Notice: Don't call someone up by 5 and invite them out to dinner by 8, that's just crass and ratchet. Call a day before, make them look forward to the date and excited.
*5*... Call Timely To Check Up: call your counterpart from time to time, ask what they're doing, where they are, dressed or not e.t.c. You won't believe how many times someone stands you up because you didn't call to check up.
*6*... Make Your Conversation Interesting : Make interesting conversation..... talk about interesting things..... make your conversation interesting and finally please, try to talk about interesting things (thank You).
Make sure you have fun no matter who you date and what you do, if you must date (I really don't know why), you better do it in a way that's good for you and your mental stability. Don't be one of those people they'll say of, " S/He was doing alright until s/he started dating that person"...........

When Education Becomes a Disability

A man had taken his illiterate father on a retreat, where they were taught how to commune with nature and generally be at peace with the world. In the evening each family put up their tent and after a bonfire dinner went to bed. But in the middle of the night, the old man woke up his son and said," son, look up and tell me what you see"
To which his son replied, " the sky father, just the sky "
"And what does this tell you ",persisted the old man
Quite exasperated,thinking the father chose a wrong time to start his communion with nature replied, " well ", he began, " It tells me that there's a full moon today, the stars are not shining as brightly as usual and that we should always thank God for nature and life".
"You're very wrong", his father said," what this tells us is simply that we've been robbed and we better make use of the full moon to find out who did ".
Common sense is quite simple but we complicate it most times. With the influx of universities and the high demand for literacy, enlightenment has gone into extinction. You'd think that Education will make people more enlightened but most times, it just gives them an inflated opinion about themselves. Someone had said to me once," I don't like Chinua Achebe, he doesn't use big grammar".
Education has nothing to do with the amount of obscure and heavy sounding words an individual uses, in fact, only a well educated person could speak and write in such clear language so that anybody can understand.
We struggle so hard to get an education that we forget most times to get educated. Education shows in how you dress, what you say, how you say what you say, and where you say what you say. Explaining rocket science to a market woman will sadly get you the same impact if you'd had the conversation with a stone.
In the midst of your education, get knowledge....... because at the end of the day when all chips are down, your knowledge alone will save you.

When The Meat Is Too Tough To Chew

If you're a Nigerian (and you live in Lagos esp) , you've probably heard or eaten the meat called Isho which is basically the muscle(sinew) of cows cut into chewable pieces. Now, this is the toughest kind of meat in the history of edible flesh, it tastes really nice but you're likely to chew it for 4 hours nonstop without making any dent in it. Frankly, most times, it feels like punishment. Somebody might say, why not spit it out or throw it away (ha!!!) but that's where the elusiveness and interest in the Isho lies, you want to conquer the Isho and show it who's the boss (I mostly swallow mine, I no get that kine strength).
Do you know a lot of people are like the Isho? They are sweet but tough, you want to have them but you can't handle them, sometimes, you actually get them (yaaay!) but then you realise, they are not really yours (bummer!).
These group of people are sinews, they are stretchable where others are just plain and immovable. So, they survive situations others can't. They go through the fire of life and still retain their personality, for you see, situations don't change them. They are the kind of people you'll see after 10yrs and say, " Nawao, you never change". These people are the constant in life, the ones who don't break and yes, they are ones who finally, at the end of the day make all the difference in the world.
People find it hard to understand them, so they are dubbed complicated, irascible, difficult and all what not. At some point, people will resent them for making headway or refusing to conform but never mind, they don't mind these things.
Many people are like this, I meet them everywhere I go : I see it in a friend of mine who has refused to shave her eyebrows till date (carve lol), it sounds silly but it takes character to refuse something which every woman in the universe is doing.
I see it in another friend, who when she was left orphaned at 16, did the needful and got a job, paid her way through the university while working and today continues her education and is one of the richest girl I know under the age of 30( who has never had a boyfriend, I must add).
Are there times in life, when you feel like give up but you don't, when it seems like it's just you all alone in the big bad world but you keep pushing anyway, when you're so tired, your bones quake but you stand anyway.... then my d

arling, I am happy to tell you, "Congratulations, you're not just ordinary beef, You're Isho".
Of course it easy to depend on people who your life, but it takes hard work to continually pick yourself up whenever life and the society deals you a hard blow.
As someone like this, the only way to make it to your great finish is to remain true to yourself and next time, when someone is quick to call you names and point out how you're so different, tell them what I always say,
              "But darling, I am not an ordinary beef, I am the sinew"
Understand that even when the meat is too tough to chew, we swallow it........

Relax!!!!

An Ant Queen decided to build a colony near a ferocious  Lioness den due to the many problem the colony was facing in their ant hill which they shared with another Queen . Having heard of the ruthlessness of the Lioness and not wanting to offend, the Queen went with some soldiers to the mouth of the den and shouted, " Her majesty Lioness, my colony and I plan to build an ant hill beside your den, as one queen to another I think it's fair I let you know this, if there's any objection please let me know in a month,  so I can look for an alternative location.


The lioness, who of course, wasn't aware of the ants' existence went on her normal everyday routine of hunting and sleeping. The Ant Queen waited for one month dutifully, after which, she moved her colony in and they too resumed normal business.


Now after 6months of being neighbours the Ant Queen who is a gentle soul, had given birth to another fiery queen who started fighting with her for dominance, and once again not liking the turmoil, she decided to move again.


So, once again, she returned to the mouth of the Lioness' den, to let her know of the impending departure and also to allay any fears she (the lioness) might have because of it, and so she said, " Miss Lioness,if I may call you that (since we've been such good neighbours,theres no need for formalities), my daughter and I, has been having issues over the ant hill, so I have decided to move to the antelope herd yonder, not because you've not been a good neighbour, far from it, am getting old and my aching bones need fresh water air. If you have any objections to my moving out please get back to me in a month's time".


The Lioness said nothing again because she doesn't know of the ants' existence, so the Queen and her dwindled colony marched out in a months time with a clean conscience.


Relax!!! Most people are not even aware of your existence and 90 percent of those who are, do not care at all...... a market doesn't note the absence of a trader!!!......

Feminism And Like Concepts

Most women are feminists. Most of these women who are feminists, don't even know what feminism is. They believe in this concept without even knowing the meaning,tenets and ideas behind it.

I remember talking to a lady some years back and eager to sound smart she had told me (unwittingly I might add) that she's a feminist, ofcos this had piqued my interest. So I asked her, what type of feminist are you? And she replied, "Beyounces's type "(lol). This conversation might sound funny but it sums up everything wrong with feminism.

Now, feminism is a fight for equality (equality of the sexes to be precise), but extreme feminism actually is bent on the eradication of the family structure,why? Because, the family (they believe) is the primary basis for inequality. So you see situations where women are advised to use a sperm bank instead of giving birth the old fashioned way. It uses the guise of empowerment to demolish principles that has built generations and civilisations.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like being educated, independent and enlightened but feminism didn't make this happen, "Woman ism" did; the belief of the importance of the female, this is not about equality (nobody likes a she-man) this is purely empowerment and knowledge. 

I had seen the so called Feminist Video by Beyonce feat Chimammanda Adichie and all it did was make me loose my respect for the writer. Beyonce was prancing and jumping around almost naked in the video (talking about how she woke up like this) while Adichie's voice prattled on at the background about things no one  listened to because they were too busy focused on Beyonce's behind. Or the case of the feminist who ran into a imam's lecture hall butt naked because he was teaching on the importance of the hijab which was against her feminist principles.

So what exactly are we doing. Are we being feminists or is it that people fought so much, won the battle and instead of us enjoying the victory, we are still fighting even though there's really nothing to fight for anymore (you've won! Cease fire!!!).

Now the Nigerian version of feminism will make Mrs Ransome-Kuti will turn over in her grave, I love the BBOG group (bring back our girls), but carrying placards all over abuja doesn't make you a feminist, it doesn't even make you any kind of "ist". 

Now let's talk Womanism- this is the concept that you can be anything you want to be without giving up your sexua

lity.... you can be manager of the company,a wife, mother, anything(and still have a killer body). You've heard of Malala?? She had been shot for advocating for girls' right to education in pakistan, when she turned 18 she opened a Syrian refugees school in lebanon..... and all the while, she didn't loose her hijab.... she never for once said am a Feminist, so lemme run around like a wild monkey, she didn't pose half nude in magazines to talk about her feminism and how being shot changed her life. She dug her heels in and continued her work because she understood that it isn't about a concept, so abstract people abuse it, it is indeed about womanism,about the wellness and well being of the woman irrespective or who or where she is.

Everything Is Not About You

Nigerians are a group of very self righteous people.

If you (a woman) wears trousers to church, you're going to church to mislead men and will most definitely end up in hell.

If you're careful about the way you look, then you probably have nothing going on in ur brain and will end up nowhere good.

If you are slim and possibly good looking, then you should be in a pageant or something similar.

If you don't have a 5-6 job and you're a graduate, you're not doing well in life and should be looking for such jobs.

Last year, my BigBro had me about a friend and what he does for a living, and when I said " photography", he had looked at me askance with horror written all over his face and asked,  "did he graduate with a third class right???

 Fellow country people, understand this, E no consign you!!!  If person wan kill himself, na him wahala (i'd seen movie where a man sued a super hero to court for saving him from his suicidal jump) .... if the girl ugly good, if she worworworwor  na her wahala ( ugly n worwor no be the same). If she fine Toh, if she too dey yanga e still no consign you.

Live and let live. Don't tell people what to do and how to do it. Understand that others have passions they might want to consider instead of going for the expected. Everything is not about you, actually nothing is about you.

Give others the chance to make their own mistakes, don't suffocate them with your experience........
And if perchance, you are at the receiving end of this kinda behaviour (probably from people who think they know better) , understand also, that it has nothing to do with you.
On that note, we call it a day...... people have reasons for what they do and you probably will never know about it.
Remember common sense is simple, we are the ones complicating it with lofty ideas. 

The Only Friend You Need Is A Sane One

Friendship is an important part of human existence, but often times than not we are let down by people who should be loyal to us.... we've all been there, some more than others (I have had my fair share too). But the truth is, we always go for the wrong kinda friends; what should be friendship goals are forgotten in the pursuit of fine friends,fashionable ones or trendy which is just plain wrong.
MY SANE FRIEND Is one of my life's loves and arguably the sanest,calmest person I know apart from Mr Incredibly Hot ( we'll call her "Black Beauty") and she is the cool teal to my blazing red. Now Black Beauty is not a conventional girl and nothing about our friendship is normal in the sense of the word but she's one person who can forego personal comfort to do something for me, sometimes it's scary how far she can go and since am not the only friend she treats this way, you can easily tell it's who she is. She just started dating this guy I know so the other I asked her......(hey wait a min! this isn't about her love life!!!)
Now where was I? Ehen yes, people are bound to piss you off on a daily basis, more than you can stomach......they will make you go out for the kill and what you need at these times is not a friend who'll hand you a pistol and drive you to the point of murder, nah, instead a friend who'll instead give you reasons why kirikiri will not be good for your complexion or fashion sense (lolest).
The sane friend doesn't hold grudges for eternity and y'all are so in synch, not everything needs a meeting and apology.
I had quarrelled with Black beauty over a shoe, a very cute shoe(our first and only one), and because we are weird individuals, the fight had been through sms sent back and forth  (I mean we try to be original and unorthodox). So for a week, there was a cease contact and my birthday was a day away, afraid that she might be there on my birthday, I sent her a text, "shey you know my birthday is tommorrow? " , she replied, " ofcos, like I can forget! " and that was it. The next we were eating snails and drinking chapman in our 2 man birthday party.

Basically, the sane friend is loyal but strict enough to make you see sense (I have never been able to understand oh yes! Members). A friendship is not made over human hair, makeup or clothes (for females) or girls, clubs or football(for guys). Real friendship will center around self improvement,business ideas, further education and a  friends happiness and upliftment.
The sane friend is the only friend you need, every other type is disposable, and that's the only friend who stays when the chips are down.







Photo credit: www.facebook.com/Aunty Acid

How To Read Literature Effectively

       " A little Learning is a Dangerous Thing
                        Drink Deep
           Or Taste Not The Prierian Spring"
                                                            Alexander Pope



If you're reading this, then it's not too late.
Nigerians naturally are not good "readers" and worse still they don't like reading, the few who do read regularly do so  for academic qualifications i.e they read to regurgitate, not to learn, to understand or integrate and frankly this is disturbing........ there are loads of educated people but few literate ones.
 The ability to read for the sake of it (maybe to derive pleasure, or to impart knowledge) is frankly almost extinct in our country.
Now the minority who think they read, don't read literature well, they skim over a literary article, pick a word which they feel best summarises the article and make comments based on this half-baked knowledge.... for example, I had written  a short  article to describe how I play with the Incredibly hot man in my life, the fun and happiness I get doing this and then I went to describe in detail the mock fight we always do in mockery of wrestling and Chinese karate....... well when Nigerians saw fight in the post, guess what they thought??? that I had written about having a fight with my incredibly hot man and my inbox was flooded by unsolicited advice....
 Next time, you read a work of literature.....:
*1*. Don't skim over it in a rush, if you're in a hurry don't read it at all, it is hazardous to have a little knowledge
*2*. Understand that it's literature which means it is not always what you think it is.....most literary works has an indepth, hidden meaning other than what you can easily surmise.
*3*. A writer's background, lifestyle and idiosyncracies often than not affects their work, so before u quickly interprete a literary work try and understand a bit about the writer.
*4*. Read thoroughly with a view to be enlightened, not to critique , that way if there is indeed something to criticise and an error to point out, it will be done in a way that the writer will benefit from and apply.
Finally, Reading is one of the best ways to get enlightenment, when I say reading I don't mean french fiction (mills and boons,silhouette),thrash magazines or fashion magazines, I mean instead wholesome books by bonafide writers.
*5*. Understand the writer doesn't know you or care if you're been vindictive or not....
        As Wole Soyinka once said, most literary works are for the literal elite, so if perchance you don't understand then that literature is way over your head..... just move on to the next or have someone explain it to you

SafeGuarding Your Integrity

I have never been able to understand one-night-standers. Not because the idea of a one night stand is against every iota of self respect I have but because I don't even like most people I know enough to "bogey down" with them not to mention complete strangers.
Most people will say things like this doesn't happen in my area or my friends don't do that but frankly you'll be surprised at what people you know do with their time and opportunities.
A friend of mine had told me, how she went to a club in abuja with a mutual friend and her love interest (at the moment) and while sitting at the bar and feeling sorry for herself at the lack of a love interest (she had just broken up with hers), a guy, goodlooking,tall, Sexy physique and the like, walked up to her and requested for a dance which she obliged, he was too cute to say no to.
After dancing for a while, they went back to the bar and he bought her a drink while they converse......In the midst of the conversation, he said to her quite abruptly, "I have a suite at the hilton,not far from here; why don't we go back to the room for some fun and I will give you 300k ".
Just like that, no preamble, no by your leave, no what do you think and with an infuriating confidence and assurance to boot.
The problem here is the proposition, but the confidence with which it was said, that shows that this person has been making such sentences and actually getting what he wants and that it was no big deal with him. Now the question is, what will you do if you get such a request be it from and a guy or girl, truthfully what will be your reaction considering this is a young, goodlooking person (male/female) whom you'd go on a date with if asked.
The second question is..... how do you get out of that situation with your dignity intact and head held high (understand that by the fact that he asked you, you're dignity has already suffered some loss)......
Don't rush into an answer because of what people will say, or feel indignant because you should instead the insult of the request (that's if your answer is no), and take your time to school him/her on the appropriate way to treat people and then, tell them, if perchance they been making such request and getting away with it, that you can't be bought by money and next time, s/he should try respect, exciting conversation and maybe just God given common sense because it might just work.....
Then, walk away with you best steps......

How To Know Your SoulMate

It is amazing and frankly disturbing how many people go through life looking for soul mates (esp the female species), and then the unending sorrow and disappointments they have to endure in the pursuit of this elusive happiness.
So this is a few steps to help you understand and find your soul mates......:
***..... I am sorry to be the one to burst your ignorant bubble but "THERE ARE NO SOUL MATES". The one person who's the sole custodian of your Utopia sadly, doesn't exist. There's no s/he God kept on the planet for just you who is the only one with whom you can attain perfect bliss . (I know this news is shocking to you,accept my sympathies)
***..... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? So in a universe made up of billions of humans,animals and aliens (if perchance you go to Mars or venus) you allowed yourself to be brainwashed into thinking you'll never be happy unless you find "the one"? seriously, what's wrong with you. Why sell yourself so short.
***..... Ever heard of doppelganger? (Well yeah, they exist) For every person on the planet, there are 10 people who looks exactly the same, I mean no difference except in attitude and finger print (have met 2 of mine,true story!).so why are you bent on destroying your self worth because of someone, go and find his/her doppelganger o jare (no time).
***..... God is not so wicked. He can't create all these wonderful people , put them close to you and then, tie your destiny,peace and happiness to one person haba!,  if so there's a high probably of not meeting "the so called one" (give the man some credit please!!!)
***..... Love at First sight only happens in Disney movies. That feeling you get when you meet someone for the fist time in your life and intuitively knows this is the person you'll spend the rest of your life with, that feeling that makes you trust a perfect stranger with all you have? Yes, that feeling, well, sorry it doesn't exist. In fact, if you feel like that, run for your life, you're either about to be duped or worst still it can get you killed.
The truth is this, You can mate with any soul you want; you don't need signs in the stars for that, you'll like some people more than others; there's nothing wrong with that either but happiness and love is a decision you make..... there can be happiness in your life only when you want it to........
So, instead of waiting for your soul mate, why not decide to be happy and thereby attract souls you can mate with and choose the best amongst them because the only way to know your Soul mate is by CHOICE........

Your Saviour Might Just Be You 2

.......so with the windows shut close, that was when I lost it. I screamed, cried,shouted and did everything I could but thanks to the block industry it was null and void, moreover the activities were depleting the little air supply I had.
At a point I was so weak, I had to lie on the floor of the bathroom.
This was it I was dying,slowly and painfully. My sides were starting to constrict in pains while my life flashed by in slow motion, so, I thought to myself, well if I was going to die I better start praying to get it perfectly right with God (because I already have it right with God lol), I prayed in gasps and tufts because frankly at this point I was almost dead.
All of a sudden a thought came to me..... why not try breaking the glass part of the door( the door has a small rectangular part made of glass), with the last nonexistent strength I had, I started hitting the glass with the mop stick but it wouldn't break cos the glass was quite thick but I kept at it.......then with no warning the glass shattered.
I never knew how much I loved air until I felt the fresh air hit me....it was pure bliss..... I sat on the toilet seat and felt life return to my body and lungs....
But I was still trapped in the toilet, so I started removing the jagged pieces of glass on the door, after that was done...... I climbed on the toilet and tried squeezing myself out through the hole but it was just too small for me.......


But I didn't give up, I kept trying until with a loud pop!!! I found myself at the other part of the door, save,free without a single scratch...... Guess the first thing I did....( call the Incredibly hot man in my life?? yep you're right)
Most times, God creates his miracles by Using us...... so next time you're in a spot of trouble, remember........ YOUR SAVIOUR MIGHT JUTS BE YOU.....

Your Saviour Might Just Be You

The worst way to die is by suffocation; slowly watching your life ebb away and powerless to do anything else. There's nothing more agonising than this: the inability to save yourself.
 Today had started like any other Saturday with lots of chores to do until it was time to wash our toilets. Before I tell this harrowing tale, you'll need some preview.
The Incredibly hot man in my life and I live in a 2 bedroom flat, in a house where the walls are noise proof (why the owner thought this necessary I can't tell), quite recently a temporary block industry opened up beside our building and noise is just horrible,most times u can't even hear the t.v when it's at the highest volume.
So back to today, I had gone to wash the visitors' toilet, it wasn't particularly dirty but I always wash because sometimes it can be my saviour when the Incredibly hot man stays too long in ours( which he does everyday). So I closed the door and started my chore,when I finished, the door refused to open, it just refused to bugde. I did everything possible to no avail, screaming for my neighbours didn't work either as it seemed the block industry starts shouting whenever I do...it was horrible.
There I was screaming, crying and trying to wrench the door open all at once with no progress, it was at this point that I noticed the air supply was dwindling and I was going to suffocate, so I rushed to the windows to open it but guess what.... it was sealed shut.......











To be continued tomorrow...........