Dating And Related Shenanigans

While single I had studiously avoided dating, I had desperately hated the idea of dating; it was quite unprecedented for a single person (who hated the idea of being single I might add) to detest the one thing that can change her status but there I was, I couldn't help myself. The dating scene was a vulgarity I couldn't stand. There was and still is, little or no spontaneity in it, nothing original.
People don't actually want to date (that's the sad,plain and painful truth). Everybody wants the perks that comes with dating without actually putting in work, so the end result is a half hearted attempt that will leave one or both parties feeling bereft and used at the end of it all.
Thinking back right now (in the comfort of my marital home, yes I finally went on a date phew!!). I think the worst part of a failed date is the conversations (yeesh!!!). One of my dates had turned the whole conversation into a sermon (I love me some Jesus but please!!!), while yet another date spent the entire outing describing in gory detail how he cut a woman open the day before to save her life and I was eating oh (I also decided there and then I can't have anything intimate with a doctor). So basically, my whole dating experience was hell and still is for most people if the stories I hear are anything to go by.
Now,(drum roll) this is a few guidelines for those who want to date and date right.......
*1*... if you're still trying to figure out your life, trying to understand yourself, if you're broke (esp for guys), if you still live with your parents (esp for guys), if you don't know what you want to do in life then dating is not for you. fact is if you don't have stability or a semblance of stability, dating will just mess things up for you. This is a communion between 2 people (casual flings, bed mate things, getting the groove on not included here), but you can't advice someone about his/her life when you're yet to figure yours out.
*2*... Be Precise: know what you want and get it. Understand what you need in the other person and make sure s/he has at list 60% of it.
When you call up to fix a date, don't say, " let's hang tonight na" (hang where? On a tree??) or "let's chill somewhere nice " (like a fridge???). Have a precise and nicely worded invite," hi, how are you? Would you like to go for dinner with me tommorrow by 8?. (see! English is not so hard)
*3*... Be Decisive: Now, make a sentence that best describes your intention towards the other person, highlighting their strong straits and how well suited to you they are; don't say, "don't say I like your smile and you open teeth, please be my girlfriend" (what are you? 12 or 15?), instead say, " I like your honesty and your amiable nature, your love for God and your beautiful smile, I feel you can be make me better and we will be beautiful together " (shikena).
Likewise, when you invite them to a date, do your scouting before hand and a choose a place that best

describes the ambience you want to create. Don't call and ask them to choose a place, it shows a lack of seriousness unless maybe you're married or engaged to the person.
*4*... Always Give Ample Notice: Don't call someone up by 5 and invite them out to dinner by 8, that's just crass and ratchet. Call a day before, make them look forward to the date and excited.
*5*... Call Timely To Check Up: call your counterpart from time to time, ask what they're doing, where they are, dressed or not e.t.c. You won't believe how many times someone stands you up because you didn't call to check up.
*6*... Make Your Conversation Interesting : Make interesting conversation..... talk about interesting things..... make your conversation interesting and finally please, try to talk about interesting things (thank You).
Make sure you have fun no matter who you date and what you do, if you must date (I really don't know why), you better do it in a way that's good for you and your mental stability. Don't be one of those people they'll say of, " S/He was doing alright until s/he started dating that person"...........